Need an Outfielder?

I know the Cardinals do. Jim Edmonds can't even run as well as he strikes out. Padres, D-Backs, and anybody that thinks they have a shot this year may be looking to get a hitter. What if I had a guy that could play in the OF and hit you 15-20 HR in the second half? He's sort of old, but if you're an AL team you can stick him up your ass for all you care. What if his baseball want ad read,

POY Lfty OF Slgr w/ HOF Nos for hire

A Former Player of the Year with 3,000+ Hits, 569 HR, and one serious steroid scandal listed in his dossier. You may have guessed it, or maybe you just saw the picture below, but I am seriously talking about none other than Rafael Palmeiro.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. It takes a year. You get off the roids, and you take a year to figure out how to swing a bat instead of a needle. We know Giambi did it. From my bit on Barry, "In 2003 Giambi announces steroid use during his 41 HR season that year. In 2004 he gets off the juice and hits a dinky 12, sluggin .370. A year later, he's back up to 32 HR, and sluggin .535."

Look at Sammy Sosa for christ's sake. He didn't even play in 2006, because in '05 he managed 14 HR in 102 Games with 84 SO. If you saw it, then you know he sucked. He takes a year off, comes back, and now he's got 7 dingers in 86 AB and 20 RBI in 23 games. If we're talking "on pace," then Slammin' Sammy will finish 2007 with 49 souvenirs and 140 ribs. Not bad for a guy who was run out of the game.

So what is Raffy doing? He's 42, but that hasn''t stopped Barry from jacking one every 7.875 at bats in 2007. If Palmeiro has been taking BP AT ALL during his hiatus you would be a fool not to sign him. If you're the Giants you probably have no hope of winning, but your fans might not hate the All-Roids team in the outfield. You don't even have to play him until his bat speed is back. You can hire professional pitchers on your staff to do nothing but throw him live pitching. Give him a week in AA and two in AAA and he'll be ready for the show. You can pick him up without having to worry about being outbid. Get him a place with some good fans, and pay him what he wants.

Trust me, he'll hit.